Learning to Adjust

I'm learning to adjust living this life I'm currently living.  Not in big, comfortable ways, but in small ways that enable me to keep moving through each day and figure out how to live this new life that has been thrust upon me.

As I've said before, work provides the familiarity that I've known for years.  Of course, I miss coming home and sharing all about my day with Ed.  After so many years of working at the same place, he came to know the people and the work I did and he was always a good sounding board.  My work was important to him.  He was proud of the work I did and my success and always supported me through just listening, providing encouraging words, or just giving me a swift kick in the butt!

I've learning to adjust how I use my time at home.  I have a couple hours at home after work before I sit down to relax for the day.  I find making myself a list helps me chip away at getting small things done.  I'm used to lists--but usually for the weekend.  During the week, Ed took care of whatever needed to happen while I focused on work.  But now I need to be sure to throw that load of laundry in or dump the wastebaskets or whatever it might be.  I save the bigger jobs for the weekend, but I feel more productive if I jot down the small things that need to be done during the week and then am able to accomplish them.  Accomplishing, even small things, is good.

The yard is in better shape so I don't stress over that.  Instead, I walk around in the evening, water the plants, and feel less stress about all the things that need to be done.  My current annoyance are the carpenter bees that are doing quite a job on an outside board on the porch.  My research tells me carpenter bees are harmful to people.  But because the board is up high, I can't "fix" this problem myself.  So every evening when I see the sawdust on the deck and I look up and see the darn holes they are making, it annoys the heck out of me.  I mean, you really don't want to be reading about me up on a ladder spraying dozens of carpenter bee holes.  Somehow I can't see the outcome of that story ending well.  Me and ladders are not necessarily a good idea.  So if anyone out there wants to come take care of getting rid of those darn carpenter bees for me, let me know.  It's my current annoyance.

Overall, though...I keep just moving.  Of course, I still miss Ed terribly and when the fluorescent lights in the laundry room don't want to turn on, I ask him to make it happen and they turn on.  Is that Ed?  Probably not.  But it's his fault that stupid lights don't work, so I can complain to him and someday I'll get those fixed.  And when I open the cupboard and see the polenta that we bought because we saw it on TV on a cooking show and wanted to try it, I wonder if I'll ever cook that polenta.  Probably not.  So I close the cupboard door or I shut off the laundry room lights and move on.  One step at a time.  One day at a time.  Just learning to adjust moment-by-moment.