Saturday, October 3, 2015


There are about a half dozen bluebirds outside my window right now.  They caught my attention as I was making my list of all the things I need to get done today.  They caused me to stop and just watch them for  a few moments and enjoy them fluttering around.  It was good to hit the pause button and see the beauty around me.

The last few days have been hard.  I celebrated my birthday a few days ago.  I took the day off of work and planned a day trip with my mother and aunt.  I figured that was better than staying home and doing chores.  The day itself was nice and I received numerous birthday greetings from friends near and far.  But as the sun set and I arrived home at the end of the day, the lonesomeness enveloped me and sadness engulfed me as I was reminded of the birthdays celebrated with Ed.  I was reminded how he always made the day special for me, and not necessarily in big ways.  But in small ways--a bouquet of flowers, a bag of chocolate to stash in my desk at work, a meal of some of my favorite things cooked by him.

I reminded myself that I am now responsible for my own happiness and if I want to celebrate my birthday in a special way, it is now up to me to do so.  So I did buy myself some flowers and they sit on the table looking lovely, but they are lonely flowers--flowers without any special meaning or love behind them.

I know life could be worse.  A fellow Wid I met through a bereavement group is battling pancreatic cancer.  His battle is to get as many more days out of this life as possible.  He knows he's terminal.  So really, what do I have to complain about or be sad about?  But his illness and battle add to my sadness as, once again, we are reminded how precious life is and also how unfair it can be.

I long for the days of innocence that existed not that long ago.  To the happy life I lived where tears rarely flowed and sadness really didn't exist.  For those of you who still have your loved ones or who are not battling an illness within your immediate family, take the time today to stop and appreciate them.  Just as I sit and watch the fluttering of birds outside my window; stop and enjoy what your kids may be up to, what your spouse is doing at the moment.  That your home is filled with love and family and companionship.

For those who are on the same boat as me, I send you love and peace.  Take a moment today to stop and find some peace it the beauty around you--the fall leaves, the fluttering birds.  And breath deep and know I'm thinking of you...

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Happy Sunday

Yes, you read that title correctly and I'm sure it got your attention!   I realize I tend to post when my emotions are strongest and that is typically when I'm upset and feeling down.  So this morning I thought I'd capture the fact that "it's a good morning!"

I woke rested and enjoyed a nice Keurig cup of Starbucks coffee (I splurged...Starbucks K-cups are a bit more expensive, but it's a treat to myself).  The night had a cool breeze with a light raining falling and I slept well.  And this morning is quiet--just the chirping of the birds.  Some email and text exchanges with friends started my day with a smile--a nice way to start any day!

I have another long list of things I want to get done today (nothing new there...I always have a list going).  But I'm inspired because I've already crossed several things off my list before 9 AM!

It's a gray morning...the sky is clouded over but even this does not have me down.  As I stood at the kitchen sink and looked up to the sky, I still saw brightness and felt...well, happy.  Happy to have such good friends that make me smile just by texting me.  Happy that I was moving through my list of "to do's".

Don't get me wrong...I still miss Ed.  But I have a lightness this morning, a positive energy...  and I'm going to run with it as long as it will last.  That could be 5 mins or 5 hours.  You never know.  And that is why I'm capturing this moment and this feeling.

As I removed the laundry from the washer this morning, I found a dime in the washer.  Now some believe dimes are a sign from a loved one who passed.  I tend to be more practical and instead wracked my brain to remember if I had picked up a dime at some point and put it in the pocket of the pants that were in the wash.  I don't remember doing that, but I must have.  Or maybe it is a sign from a loved one?  Either way, I've tucked that shiny dime in my pocket this morning.  If I leave it there, maybe it will show up again at the bottom of the washer and help make my day a bright one.  It wouldn't have magically appeared as a sign from a loved one; just me forgetting I left it in the pocket.  Either way, though, the end result is the same...

I hope you all have some happiness in your day and lightness to your step today!  Happy Sunday!!