We celebrated Christmas with my family, Ed's family, and then just me and Dan together and each celebration was "good". I enjoyed spending time with family and I did not experience the usual overwhelmness that comes from too much activity. Christmas Day itself was just me and Dan. It was nice to just stay home as snow fell outside. We did venture out to cleanup snow late morning but the rest of the day of simply staying home, playing games and enjoying a meal together. It was a relaxing day but didn't quite feel like Christmas. If I was home alone, I know I definitely would not have liked it!
Naturally thoughts of Ed crossed my mind, our minds, often. Dan and I talked about what Ed would think about things we did (or didn't) do. But sadness and grief stayed at bay. Now, don't get me wrong...of course I missed Ed. But they were fleeting moments that came and went and I moved on enjoying the day. As I write this, it does bring some level of sadness because grief is not consuming my life which is a good thing but also sad because it means I'm moving forward. It is hard to articulate but it is disconcerting feeling, both good and bad all wrapped up in one. But I also know that this feeling can change quickly, so I'm capturing it here and appreciating it.
New year's is approaching and I'm approaching it with apprehension. New Year's always seems to be a time to look back at the past year...what did you do? what did you accomplish? And then to set goals for the new year. It's also a reminder that time continues to march on. Life continues on whether you want it to or not. But there's a few more days of 2017 to enjoy which I plan to do. THEN, I'll worry about 2018 and "goals".
For now, I'm simply going to continue to enjoy Christmas...the decorations, the music, the cards received from loved ones, and mostly, the peace and love that still fills this house by Dan's presence.
Merry Christmas All!