Hug Your Loved Ones

When you're feeling sorry for yourself or spending your time focusing on all that is wrong or unfair with your own life, it helps to pick up your head and look around and see that there are others who may be suffering more.  Not that it is a contest and not that another person's grief or difficulties make your own go away.  It is not a competition, but it does help to give you perspective.

2013 has not been a good year and I keep hoping it will change.  But the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma show that the pattern is continuing.  How devastating for those who lost their lives.  That they got up yesterday like any other day and now their lives are forever changed as well.  And as great as my grief is right now and no matter how much I miss Ed, I cannot imagine how those who lost children yesterday can cope.

And on Friday was the Metro-North train derailment.  I've ridden that train many times.  People heading home after a day at work, happy that it was Friday and the weekend was beginning and then their lives were abruptly changed.  Thankfully no one lost their lives.

I think this is one of the things I'm having the most difficulty grasping.  Although I know Ed had cancer and although I knew it would take his life at some point, I remember always telling him how none of us know when our time will end.  That even though he has a terminal cancer diagnosis, any one of us could die without notice on any given day.  Although I said the words, emotionally I was not prepared for it.

But the recent events this past week, this past month, this past year--do remind us how many people have suddenly, without notice, lost their lives or been seriously injured in tragic events.

So is it worse to have a cancer diagnosis and know that your time here on Earth is limited?  That you are being given some kind of timetable whether it is months or years.  Or is it worse to have some someone die suddenly without warning?  Answer--neither.  I am still puzzled by the sudden death of my brother at 51 and then I have Ed's cancer that took his life at 60.  Both losses are great.  Both losses are painful.  Their parting from this world were on different paths, but I can only find comfort that they are together now, in peace, and will be waiting for me when my time comes as well.

And so as I continue to wallow through my own grief, I think of all these other people in the world--and there are so many--who have suffered greater loss and it helps me, even just a little bit, to recognize and be thankful for the time Ed and I had together, for the love we shared and the life we built, and that there was no doubt in his last days that I was there for him and that we were able to say the things we wanted to say.  Do I wish I had more time with him? Absolutely...but my thoughts can turn one of two ways and when I can turn my thoughts to the good things in our lives and the good memories, there's hope.

And so for all those who have been impacted by the recent tragic events, have hope and have prayers for strength.  And for those who were not directly impacted, hug your loved ones and remember "Always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them."