Lessons Learned

This morning is a good morning....and last night was a good night and I'm happy because this week was really tough.

I'm not sure why it was a tough week, although my wise mother tells me it's because I was exhausted.  I didn't feel exhausted physically, but my emotions were a mess for sure.  Yesterday I was just in a funk and teary as I drove to work and teary when people asked "how are you doing?" and crying when I'm on the phone with UNUM and they're asking questions about Ed.  Lesson learned and I will try to slow down a bit and not try to do everything.  This is new to me.  I'm used to being able to do everything.  Well, everything that I was responsible for.  I realize now that "everything" also encompasses those things Ed was responsible for as well.  And although it's not visible on the outside, I guess my grief and sadness does sap some level of energy from me.

I am proud of the fact that I was good and didn't work late last night.  Part of the reason was because I wanted to avoid any of the traffic from the UMass Commencement.  Whatever the reason, it was good to be home at a reasonable hour and I was able to do things to feel positive and productive.  Another lesson learned.

I did think about just sitting on the back deck, having a glass of wine and doing nothing.  But I decided to save my "do nothing" for Sunday.  Instead, I got it into my head to do some mowing.  It needed to be done and I knew more rain was predicted. Besides, even weeds look better when mowed.

So I was quite pleased with myself with getting the push mower out and then checking/adding oil and gas.  (We do have a riding mower, but Dan will need to teach me how to use that first.)  The hardest thing was figuring out how to start the darn thing because not only did it have a pull cord (which I know how to use), but it also had a key start (which I wasn't sure how that played into things).  And since I haven't a clue where the owner's manual was, I used my brain and Googled for an owner's manual.  Gotta love Google!

I did thank Ed several times.  First, that he got rid of any extra push mowers that he had so there was only one and so there was no question that I had the "right" one; that there was both oil and gas available (something I just assumed...wouldn't I have been disappointed if there wasn't); that the mower started after a few pulls (the key start really didn't work); and then again for buying a "propelled' mower--that made this real easy!  And now my mowed weeds look so much better!

I then putzed around cleaning up around the house, doing some dusting and vacuuming while awaiting Dan's return home.  It was good to have him home again and we had some dinner and sat and chatted.  It's amazing to me how easy our conversations are face-to-face, but talking on the phone is just not as natural.  I fell asleep while relaxing in the living room with Dan.  When I finally went to bed, I slept well.  I only woke once during the night when I heard water running (it was the combination of the rain outside and our water filter running) but then I went back to sleep until 8 AM!  I probably could have continued sleeping but I didn't want to waste my day.  I've got things to do so that Dan and I can have some downtime this evening and tomorrow.

I'm excited for tomorrow since it is not only Mother's Day but it's also Dan's 25th birthday!  So I'm anticipating a good weekend!  And I'll be sure to get plenty of rest and not overdo it!