Inability to Declutter

It's the time of year when we make resolutions and a common one is to declutter and organize our lives.  It was a resolution I made before and on occasion I make some progress.  In the past, I would blame Ed because he was not one to get rid of things.  I always threatened that when he was gone, I'd rent a big dumpster and just throw everything in.

So now here I sit with the "freedom" to get rid of things.  No one is here to say what I can or can't get rid of.  But I find myself paralyzed.  There is so much that I could or should clean out including some of Ed's things.  And I'm overwhelmed by it all.  I realize I'm having difficulty separating from these "things".

Some of it is because they are things that belonged to Ed and I don't want to make that decision without Dan.  Some of it I think is because I've lost enough in the past year and so thinking of parting with things, even things I don't particularly need or care for, has become difficult.

So as much as I want to do a major cleaning and have it all done by spring, I'm going to give myself a break and not worry about it this year.  I didn't do it last year and one more year isn't going to matter.  And just allowing myself this, I feel a sense of relief.  Sure, if I see something on a shelf or in a closet that I know I can toss without a second thought, I'll do that.  But any major cleaning out of "stuff" will just have to wait.

Baby steps...