Where is God?

Yesterday was Confirmation at our church and I went and sang with our choir.  It was a beautiful ceremony and we were blessed to have Bishop McDonnell with us.  The music was moving and the faith of these young people warmed my heart and helped me to look more closely at my own faith.  Although I turned to God often when Ed was in the hospital, since that time, I feel more distant and I struggle to feel God and keep my faith when I'm puzzled by the death and sadness I am experiencing and many around me are experiencing.

But at yesterday's ceremony two of the Confirmandi gave witness statements and they both moved me in different ways.  One talked about God and how you can't see or touch him but instead you see Him in those around you and the love of family and friends.  He talked about the loss of his aunt, who he was very close to, to colon cancer last year and his words about his faith and her faith and her peace as she passed  brought memories of Ed and brought tears to my eyes.  The other talked about finding her faith and being closer to God and finding true happiness in a relationship with God.  I know I have lost my relationship with God.  Sure I turn to Him in times of need, but I don't take the time each day to sit quietly and listen to Him.  I guess I was listening yesterday though.

After Mass, due to circumstances I won't bore you with, Fr. Vern ended up inviting me to dinner at the Rectory with the Bishop.  It was a very nice evening especially when Fr. Charles walked in.  Fr. Charles had heard Larry was sick, but had not yet heard that he had passed.  He asked that I keep him informed in terms of service since he lived in Ware for a number of years and knows Mary and her family.  Fr. Charlie and I had some good conversation as he continues to mourn the loss of his sister who passed suddenly in January.  (She was one of my mother's best friends.)  I sat between Fr. Charlie and Fr. Vern at dinner and I felt blessed to have them both in my life.

Bob and Louise were also there--a couple Ed loved hanging out with.  Ed was fairly quiet until he was comfortable and got to know someone.  Bob and Louise were people Ed was very comfortable with and he would have enjoyed last night's dinner with them.  In fact, I think he would have enjoyed talking to the Bishop who is a baseball fan and knows all kinds of baseball trivia.  Ed would have enjoyed exchanging obscure facts with him...and ribbing him about the Yankees.

All in all, it was a nice evening with good company and very good food.  Of course, I couldn't help but notice that there were three couples around the table and then there was Bishop McDonnell, Fr. Charlie, Fr. Vern, and me.  Yes, the fact that I am no longer part of a couple is how I ended up around that table.  But it was also sad as I saw these couples enjoy the evening and then go home where they could share stories and memories of the evening.  And as I walked alone to my car in the darkness, I felt the darkness and missed Ed.

But I remembered to thank God for such a nice evening with friends and I found comfort and warmth in the memories we shared about Ed.  And I was reminded that God was with us in those of us around that table and the laughter and smiles and hugs we shared.