Bright Spots

Life is too big.  Death is too big.  Grief is too big.  It all can be overwhelming and it can all weigh you down.  I know it weighs me down right now.  I just don't have the energy or strength to take on the world.  And although that fog I mentioned yesterday makes it difficult to see the glass half full or for me to say "Life is Good" and believe it, there have been moments where lightness shines through the darkness.  So today I take a moment to remember these bright spots, however random and few, in my day.

• The "thinking of you" notecard I received in the mail (yes, snailmail...not email!) with your simple, caring words.  Nothing extravagant, just you letting me know you're still thinking of me and you take the time to write out a card, affix a stamp, and mail it (how old fashioned!).  And you did this last week as well (don't think I didn't notice).
• The neighbor who brings my trash bin up to the house from the edge of the road.  You've done this pretty much every week since Ed was in the hospital.  A small way of helping me and I know you're thinking of me and watching out for me as well.
• The colleague who stops by my office at work and says, "How are you doing?" and means it.  You ask tenderly and with care and not with our typical rushing past each other in the hallway.  Instead you stop, you pause, and you wait for me to respond and then take your cue from me as to whether I want to respond or not.  And then we chat for a few minutes...you don't rush off but you also don't belabor the conversation.  You just know and listen and let me know you care and are there.  And not once does work enter into the conversation.
• Hearing about Nancy's husband (which was not good news or a bright moment), but then hearing that he is already back home less than a week later remind me that small miracles do still happen and that I'm able to recognize them.
• The colleagues from another business unit who sent me a gift basket at work yesterday.  The timing couldn't be better.  As everyone has gone on with their lives, it was nice to know you were still thinking of me and realize that I'm still grieving.  And receiving the package at work on a Friday helped me make it through the rest of the day as I recognize now that I tend to get worn down as the workweek goes on.
• Dan being home again.  The poor guy needs to be able to live his life at his apartment--he has spent way too many weekends at home in the past two months.  But I do love when he walks through the door and fills the emptiness of the house (both with his presence and dirty laundry!).
• Hearing myself laugh out loud.  I know I did it while watching The Office the other night and there was a moment last night when Dan and I were watching something as well on TV.  I couldn't even tell you now what it was, but I did key into the fact that I actually laughed out loud even if it was only for a few seconds.
• For all of you who continue to stop by this blog to see how I'm doing.  I realize it's because you care and are thinking of me.

May you all have a good weekend and may we all find some bright moments in our day.