Memorial Day

Memorial Day...one year ago today we were basking in the warmth from Dan's college graduation party.  We had so many friends and family here and Monday we just hung out with a few long-distance friends who hadn't left yet.  It was a nice day and both Ed and Dan were here.  And today I sit here and Dan is in Waltham and Ed is gone and the house is quiet and it makes me sad.

Yesterday I was busy because busy-ness is good and I worked through my "to do" list.  I got the whole house cleaned and I even fixed the bathroom faucet (I am quite proud of these little tasks I'm learning to accomplish).   In the morning I baked brownies for my sister's picnic later in the day and I even whipped out a batch of banana bread using a recipe Ed had found.  As I was flipping through the paper, I find it funny how the first sale ad I usually reach for now is Rocky's or Home Depot.

It was nice to see family and friends at the picnic.  Of course, since it was so chilly and there were passing showers, we were all in the house so that made for quite a crazy/loud day.  It was nice though and I had great food for dinner and even brought a little home that will be another meal this week.  I wish I had more time to chat with individuals, but it was a little hectic so that wasn't possible.  After dinner most everyone was headed to the ice cream stand and I was tired and decided to head home.  Giving the hugs good-bye was the first time during the day that I began to tear up.  Not sure why.  I think it was the loneliness I was feeling.  It's amazing how you can feel lonely while being surrounded by so many people.

When I came back into the house last night, it was still neat and clean--just how I left it.  I used to complain that when I used to clean the house, it didn't stay clean for long.  Not that anyone was a slob, but there were three of us living here.  It wasn't that Ed and Dan made a mess, there was just evidence of them around the house--shoes in the hallway, footprints on the living room carpet...  And last night when I came home the house was still how I left it and it made me miss both of my guys.

The sad moments still creep up on me at the oddest times and are triggered by the oddest things.  This morning it was checking the cabinets and freezer to see what I might need for groceries.  I see food that Ed and I bought together or food we bought because it was something he particularly liked.  And the sadness and slight tears come again.

I slept well last night, though, over 8 hours.  I haven't done that in months.  And it felt so good.  I have a list of "to do's" again for today and I haven't heard from Ed's family yet on services for Larry.  I'm trying to give them space at this difficult time because I know how important it is for them to have their time together.  I hope to hear today though when his service will be.  I know I've got my brother's burial on Saturday and then Bryce's (Missy's son) Baptism on Sunday.  Both a sad and joyous occasion next weekend.

But today, let's remember those who have fought for this country so that we can enjoy this weekend and the freedom to do what we want and enjoy life, even with it's sad moments.   God Bless....