Poignant Moments

Ed had more pain Saturday mostly in his stomach.  He used his PCA pump more than he had in the past which, although it meant he had more pain he was managing, it relieved the pain.  I also know it took a lot for Ed to administer the pain med that frequently because he has always tried to hold off as long as possible even though we all keep telling him it's more important to stay ahead of it.

Of course, with more pain meds, the sleepier he is and I know he wanted to be awake and alert when Dan was there (since he was coming home for the weekend).  This means so much to Ed and I know Monday he will be over exhausted.

Ed didn't eat anything Saturday--just didn't feel like it and he only sipped water occasionally throughout the day.  When I left, he asked for some Powerade to sip but eating and food have no interest to him.  I understand this is natural and so I don't push this on him.  It is about what provides comfort to Ed.  I also know he is worried about the stomach pain and another possible blockage.  I know he hated that NG tube and I asked if it came to it, does he want it again (since it is considered a comfort measure).  He didn't respond and I told him we'd cross that bridge if/when we got there.  It will be his choice.

There was time Saturday early afternoon when Ed, Dan, and I had alone time and Ed was able to tell Dan many things he wanted to say.  It was poignant and special....the opportunity to say all those things you want or need to say.  We held hands, we cried, we smiled...tender, loving moments together.  A couple days ago I worried whether Ed understood the situation and yesterday Ed worried whether Dan understood it.  Ed so worries about me and Dan.  He gave Dan fatherly advise and when I left in the evening, Ed had Dan stay with him so he could give him more.

Ed slept most of the rest of the afternoon and Dan and I just stayed with him.  I love both these guys so much...