Sleep is a comfort

Sleep is a comfort both for Ed and for me.  Ed slept most of yesterday and was only awake for very short periods of time--when they bathed him, turned him in the bed, or to take a few sips of something to drink.

His longest waking moment was in the morning yesterday when he decided he wanted to shave himself.  He definitely needed one (it's been over a week) but had no interest in doing so until now.  It's just another sign at how proud he is of his appearance. He also let me trim his fingernails Tuesday.

But the rest of the day he slept.  Doctors, case managers, visitors came and he slept through all of it.  He still wants me with him though and so that is where I will be.  Dr. Mackey ordered Ensure for him to sip on and he took a couple sips mid-day, but that is it.

In the meantime, I continue to work with doctors and case managers to determine his "discharge" options while at the same time I pray that God will take him soon to end his suffering and so he can be at peace.

Sleep is a comfort for me as well.  The day is full of "tasks"--caring for Ed, dealing with the doctors, nurses, case managers, etc.  The plethora of people coming in and out of his room.  And when I get home at night, I miss Ed terribly and it's only after sleep comes that I get any rest even though I wake often during the night.  And I'm so sad and angry and then try to focus on how lucky and blessed we've been and that there are many others who suffer this or worse.  And that we're not unique in our situation and that there are many people who have lost loved ones and life goes on.  And I don't understand God's plan but I also cherish this time Ed and I have together and that Ed will pass knowing that I was there by his side providing love and comfort to him.

"It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all..."