But I also recognize and am thankful for some things that happen in our lives that may change the course of events. And, today, this is what I recall...
When I think about the 4th of July, do I think about going to firework displays and cookouts? Nope. Instead I think about the beach. Since 2003, Ed and I rented a cottage on Kimball in Misquamicut. So we spent the week, and the 4th of July, there. In the early years, Dan was with us and sometimes brought a friend. Later, he stayed home due to sports, work, or school, and would come down for a couple days here or there. Family members usually came down at various times throughout the week. And on the 4th, we would stand on the back deck and watch the firework display at the nearby golf course.
2011 was our last year at Kimball. The house was put on the market and the new owners were not initially renting. We also could not find another cottage that we particularly liked and so in 2012 the tradition of going to Misquamicut in July ended. Last year at this time, I was missing the beach and our family vacation time. But we would go in August with my family so it wasn't like we weren't going to the beach at all. But the week in July was our time. Yes, family came during the week, but we were always sure to save a couple days just for us. And as Dan got older and it was just me and Ed, it was very special time together.
Ed and I used to joke that if he passed away and we were still renting the cottage, that I, of course, would still go to the beach. I mean, it's the beach and the rent was paid! But how naive I was. Because, truth be told, now that I know, I would not be able to go without him. Even if I couldn't get my money back, the cottage would sit empty that week. Because it would have broken my heart even further to be there without Ed.
So, although we were not happy that circumstances occurred such that we were no longer renting, and I missed going to the beach last July, today, I am thankful. Because what I "usually do on the 4th" changed last year...and it will change again this year. There is no "usually" right now and that is a good thing.
Last year we stayed home, probably cooked on the grill, and then we went to the fireworks in Amherst. Many years ago, we always watched the Amherst fireworks from up on the hill at UMass by the dorms. Part of this was because Dan was younger and didn't like the loud booms and Ed also didn't like to deal with the crowds and traffic. But last year he appeased me and we watched the fireworks down by the stadium with all the crowds of people.
Today will be a low-key day with a few family members. There will be no fireworks. There will be no celebrating of our independence. It will, per usual, be missing Ed and the fact that he's not here to give me or the kids glow sticks or sparklers to celebrate this holiday. I'm really not in the mood for "celebrating" but I will try to enjoy a quiet day relaxing with a few family members.
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| Taking a silly picture of ourselves after a day at the beach! |
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| At Paddy's in 2011 |
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