My first birthday alone...
Ever...
It was a day of mixed feelings.
I know celebrating a weekday birthday is different just because there's work and the usual routine surrounded that. So on Sunday I had family over for a potluck brunch. No, I did not throw myself my own birthday party. But last year, Ed and Dan played golf on my birthday (which I encouraged them to do) and I got a day all to myself and I was so excited. I ordered Chinese food and watched a chick flick and the guys brought home dessert after they played golf. It was a great day!
Last night after work, I picked up Chinese food for dinner and spent the evening alone. It was not very exciting. Funny (and sad) how different the feeling is when you choose this option versus it being forced upon you.
All-in-all, it was a good birthday. I received some nice greetings and gifts from family and friends which were totally unexpected and greetings and cards from folks at work as well. And flowers were delivered to me at work--something Ed always did for me and something I knew I would miss this year. I know I was totally spoiled by Ed--every birthday, anniversary, and valentine's day he sent me flowers.
Of course, as those of you on Facebook already know, I got a surprise in the morning--a small herd of cows in my front lawn! That at least made me laugh in the morning. Dan had just setup my fall display with hay bales and cornstalks on Saturday and I had put out straw Sunday night where I am trying to grow new grass. And don't you know the next morning, here come cows (from who knows where) eating my hay and cornstalks, trying to take the pumpkins off my front steps, and drinking out of my birdbath! You can't do anything but laugh! Something that has never happened before in all the years we lived here! We've had horses show up and all kinds of wildlife, but never a small herd of cows! So that is how I started my day!
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| Two cows eating my straw. |
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| The other 8 cows enjoying my lawn and fall display. |
The Chinese food I picked up for dinner was not as enjoyable as it used to be. Maybe next year I'll try something new. But as much as I appreciated all the birthday wishes that people sent to me--the Facebook messages, the text messages, the voice mails and cards...I can't help but miss Ed and how special he made me feel. And no matter what we did on the day itself, we always started and ended my birthday together.
For the first 17 years of my life, I shared my birthday with my family. My 18th birthday I spent in college and my dorm mates threw a party for me. My 19th birthday was at home with my parents and family. And every birthday since my 20th, I have spent with Ed. That's 18 birthdays with my family, 1 with college friends, and 32 birthdays with Ed. Never one did I spend alone...until now. And I know many, many people spend their birthdays alone and I'm not one to pity myself. Instead, I know I am now responsible for my happiness--not Ed and not anyone else. So the brunch on Sunday was my start. I'm learning...
And, yes, I realize I am not technically "alone". I am surrounded by many friends and family who made my weekend and the day itself special. And as much as I appreciate all of you, it doesn't help me miss Ed any less. But the tears were only for short periods of time and it was as good a day as it could be. Which I am thankful for as well.
Ed's birthday is in 2 weeks... We always enjoyed doing something special together to celebrate our birthdays--the benefit of them both being so close together. Dan will be home again and so we'll plan something fun for the two of us to do. And I know how lucky I am to have Dan in my life. There is no question that he is the best gift Ed ever gave me! And that makes me smile...
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