You Can't Ignore It

Sometimes it just hits me.  I go about life and I keep busy with work and chores and simple things like cooking dinner or doing laundry.  The workweek passes quickly with filled days and routine--get up, exercise, get ready for work, work, home, prep dinner, dishes, maybe a chore, crash in front of the TV, then to bed, then repeat it all again.  There's little "down" time.  But every so often, I'm reminded that Ed is not here.  Just like I got used to the routine of him always being here and took that for granted, I find I am now getting used to the routine that he is not physically here.  And the hurt in my heart returns and the tears begin to flow as I realize that is is now my life.  It is real.  He is really gone and won't be back.  It's not pretend.  This is now my life.  And I find I still don't like it.  The pain is still there and my heart breaks.  I can try to ignore it, but the truth is, I can't and it's not going away.