Contented

Since I usually write when my emotions are the strongest and I'm upset, I thought I'd do something different and post this morning.  I am sitting here enjoying a cup of coffee, feeling contented, enjoying the morning.  The house is quiet and Dan is upstairs still sleeping.  I'm looking out the window and the yard is beautiful with the leaves all cleaned up.  Dan and I put away the patio furniture yesterday and finished putting storms up.  We are getting ready for winter and I'm ready to hunker down.

It has been a very busy 6 months since Ed has passed.  There's been so much to do and taking care of the house and the yard has been a lot of work.  I'm looking forward to taking a break from tending gardens and mowing lawns.  Of course, I'm also hoping for a mild winter so I'm not spending all my time shoveling or clearing the driveway!  Once again, I was so spoiled by Ed.  I shoveled the decks and steps and Ed took care of everything else.  On those snowy mornings, I would leave for work and when I got home, the driveway and walkways were magically all cleared.  I will just need to adjust my life accordingly now.

I still tend to worry about being unable to do things or doing things wrong.  As I was putting in storms on the 2nd floor, I was nervous about dropping the window.  But then I asked myself "what's the worse thing that will happen?"  I will drop it, it will break and then I'll have Grover fix it for me!  Not so terrible.  I also worry about having a bad winter.  I sold Ed's truck and plow, but I got the driveway paved so that I can use the snow blower Ed bought last winter.  But then I fret--it's a big driveway.  Can I really clear it all with the snow blower?  What if it's a bad winter?  But then I need to calm myself down because I know several people with plows and if I need to, I can call them and they'll be here to help.

And what I realize is that I'm learning it's okay to ask others for help.  It's not a sign of failure or weakness.  I also know there are people who want to help and actually appreciate it when I do finally ask and they have a way to help me.

So I'm learning.  Learning new skills; learning new equipment; learning not to fret so much; learning how to accept help from others.  I'm getting there.  And I know the coming months will be difficult with the holidays.  But for today I will be content...