A Week Later

Actually a week and a day since we had Michael's funeral service.  Back to work this week.  There were good days and bad days.  Usually in the morning...you just wake up and have a heavy heart or are sad.  Work is a good distraction and keeps my mind busy during the day.  Then at night I'm just tired and so sleep is good and shuts out the world.

I'm learning to adjust to life without Michael.   I didn't see Michael everyday so the moments of sadness are when my mind wanders to knowing he is gone and it will be the times, like Easter, that will be difficult.   I worry most about my mother though.  The two of them lived together for a number of years and therefore were companions in daily living.  My mother is a strong woman and she will keep moving on, but I wish I could do something to ease her pain and make the sadness and grief go away more quickly.  But as we all know, we all grieve in our own ways and on our own timelines.  There is no right; there is no wrong.  We just march on the best we can and I know my mother is doing this.

It has been a tough week for Ed.  He is still struggling with constipation and fatigue.  Sorry about talking about constipation again, but it is a natural bodily function and for anyone who has ever suffered from this, it is very painful and screws up your entire system.  (And besides, he has colon cancer...so kinda hard to avoid these topics!)  So Ed is struggling with that and on top of that is heavily fatigue.  He did go into work Tuesday, didn't overdo it, and I saw some life in his eyes and color back on his face.  But Wednesday was back to a bad day...very tired, not able to do anything.  Thursday and Friday he did small things around the house, trying to find that balance between doing absolutely nothing and not overdoing it and tiring himself out.  Still is not "regular" and so still trying to find the magic combination to solve that problem.

We were hoping to go away this weekend--I think it would be good for his spirits--but cancelled since he wants/needs to stay close to home.  We'll see how he's feeling tomorrow.  Maybe a day trip somewhere, just to get out of the house.  I know part of the fatigue is due to his body fighting the cancer but I think part of it is psychological too.  It's been a very tough couple weeks.

"One day at a time, sweet Jesus...that's all I'm asking of you..."