Our Wedding Anniversary

Today is not a good day.  It would have been mine and Ed's 30th wedding anniversary.  Before Ed passed, not a single anniversary went by when I wasn't happy on this day.  We usually celebrated in small ways--maybe dinner out or a nice dinner in; exchanging cards--Ed usually got me both a romantic one and a funny one; and he always got me flowers.  And if he sent them to me at work, he made sure to have more at home.  There was a time when I told him to stop having them delivered to me at work because they were too expensive.  Well he listened and that is when he started to deliver them himself!  We usually didn't exchange gifts on our anniversary or it would be something small (except when Ed got me my diamond anniversary ring).  Instead, we would usually buy something for the home.

And yes I know how blessed I was to have been able to find such love with Ed and to share so many years with him.  However, that does not mean I don't grieve and I don't miss him.  And to ignore that would also do us and him an injustice.  For to have truly loved means I will truly grieve.  Of course I remember all the wonderful time we had together, but I can still feel robbed of all the wonderful times we weren't able to share.  So I will remember.  I will be sad and I will cry.  For the love lost, for the memories that will never be made, for the years never to be shared.  For pretending there is no loss, no pain, no sadness would also not be right.

Today I'm attending the funeral for my brother-in-law's mother, Pauline.  I am sad for their family for it doesn't matter how old a person is, you still grieve their loss.  It is just another reminder how we are all on this Earth only for a short time.

My dear friend Theresa passed this weekend as well.  Her body had been failing her for several years now and she was so ready to meet Our Lord.  I am happy for her but again sad for her family and friends.  Another void in our lives.  I loved that woman so.

Both these woman lost their husbands many years prior.  I give them such credit for living life and moving on without the love of their lives.  May their lives be an example to me.  And I know, without any doubt, that their husbands were waiting there to greet them when they passed.  What a gift for both of them.

Pauline and Theresa, may you now have eternal peace.

Ed, Happy Anniversary.  I love you always and forever.