My sharing and introduction of Ed to the support group went well although I think I talked too long. I really don't know what time I started, but his story flowed through the support of pictures. Below is one I had come across from an old slide. It was one my mother had taken when they first opened Amherst Tire. It was when I fell in love with Ed. This picture evokes such warm memories of that time. Gosh it seems so long ago, which I guess it was since it was over 30 years ago.
As I told Ed's story there are two things that stood out for me: (1) Ed was multi-talented and lived his life. From his interest in sports, coaching, gardening, home improvement, auto mechanics, cooking, loving his nieces and nephews, etc. He had diverse interests and did a lot of things. How I pale in comparison. (2) My one point of tears as I told Ed's story was talking about Dan's graduation from college. This was one of Ed's happiness moments. Sure I could say he was happiest when we married or when Dan was born. But what stood out for me, through the story of his life, was how proud he was of Dan when he graduated from RWU. For Ed always wanted better for Dan. He wanted to provide him with all those things he felt were missing in his life--a stable, happy childhood, a loving family, a good education. And Dan's graduation was the culmination of these things.
And, more importantly, when Ed was first diagnosed, he never thought he'd live to see this milestone. So when we reached this milestone it was not only how proud he was of Dan and all he accomplished and that Dan went further than either me or Ed, it also marked for Ed a moment he wished to live for. I did not see it as that at the time and as I look back, I realize his body was tired then, but you would never have seen that on his face in any of the pictures from the graduation or the party afterwards.
The fact that Ed was then able to live on to see Dan land his first job in architecture and get his own apartment is like icing on the cake. I didn't realize it at the time, but now I see it clearly. Sure, I would have wished he could have seen Dan get married and have children...wouldn't those have been better "icing on the cake"? But when you set your goals so high, they become unobtainable and you set yourself up for disappointment and failure. So instead, you set smaller, more reasonable goals.
Ed had set a goal for this year to play golf this summer. He played golf every summer so one might consider that a pretty lame goal but Ed knew it was not. He didn't achieve that goal. But he was smart enough to know to set these smaller goals which were more reasonable. And on the path of life, as you target and achieve each goal, you set a new one. And with each one you obtain, you celebrate your success while continuing to move forward. Little by little, step by step, you make great strides.
Of course, as I write this...we all, at some level, know this. But Ed lived it. Did I remember to tell the support group he was a wise man too?
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