Telling Family and Friends

This was one of the hardest things to do. How do you just bring this up in casual conversation? We decided we would not tell Dan until he came home on Sunday. What difference would waiting a couple more days make and this way he could enjoy his last few days at school and we could tell him face-to-face.

On Saturday I would see my sister Cathy to borrow her van and I thought about telling her. However, it didn't feel right, so I didn't. The kids were there, they were doing crafts for Xmas, having a good time...just not the right time.

I then stopped at my mother's to give her her birthday present (her birthday was the day before). I needed to tell her. So I sat there patiently and made small talk while she was making meatballs and then while she opened her gifts. And then I let her know. Can you picture it? Yadda, yadda...small talk...yadda, yadda...happy birthday...yadda, yadda...Ed has stage iv colon cancer.

God I hated ruining her day. It was 4 days after the 20th anniversary of my dad's passing and the day after her birthday. How to ruin her week even further. I kept apologizing for ruining her day. This was ruining everyone's day. My brother was there so I told him as well. My mother offered to tell my sisters and I so appreciated that.

Somehow I got through the rest of the day and Ed and I drove to Bristol on Sunday to packup Dan (since he's going to Italy next semester). We pretended nothing was wrong and no one noticed that I wouldn't let Ed carry any heavy stuff. After we got home, we sat on the couch with Dan. Again, how do you just bring this up in casual conversation? We did though and once the words were out we talked openly.

Of course, we told Dan we still want him to go to Italy. Unfortunately, we would not be going to visit him though (damn cancer). The chemo plan is to receive chemo every 2 weeks for the next 6 months. That would put a bit of a damper on our plans to visit Dan. But we didn't want Dan NOT to go. I did talk with Dan about worse case and he could be home in 2 days if needed--but we weren't going to need this. We were going to stay positive and fight this.

On Monday evening, Ed called his sister Mary to let her know. We wanted to be sure both families knew before the first chemo treatment and before we saw everyone at Christmas. She thankfully agreed to tell the rest of the family. I can't tell you how much of a gift this is for someone to offer to tell others. That so far has been the hardest part of all of this.

Dr. Bowers was clear--Ed can't be cured. But we can shrink the tumors and extend his life and that's what we're trying to do. And although I can become quite sad and upset when I think that Ed and I most likely won't grow old together and if we have 2 more years together we'll be lucky, I do believe in miracles and know that there are people out there beating this awful disease every day. And I also know that any one of us can be taken from this world at any moment. That just because I am not diagnosed with cancer doesn't mean I won't die tomorrow. None of us know when our time on this earth will come to an end and so given this cancer diagnosis just makes us feel much more vulnerable.

Many of my friends from church (including the entire choir which I'm a part of) has been told which is important to me because I know prayer is a powerful thing and we need all the prayers we can possibly get. I know how important a positive attitude and faith and prayers are in battling this awful disease and we appreciate the outpouring of love, support, and prayers our family and friends have been offering. That is why, as difficult as it is, I understand how important is it to tell others.