Treadmill of Life

That's what it feels like.  Day in and day out.  Same thing every day.  Work, home, responsibilities.  The treadmill doesn't seem to stop.  On one hand I should be thankful. It keeps going.  On the other, I would like to try to break up the monotony.  But as hard as I try, I can't.   I even made plans last week to have a "fun" day.  To take an entire day and go away with friends and have fun and that did not come to fruition.  So even when I try, I can't get off this stupid treadmill.

Some days I wonder if this is now my life.  Nothing to look forward to.  Nothing planned.  But somehow my calendar is full, but more with responsibilities.  Oh how I just want to get away.  Go somewhere where I can relax and laugh and not pay attention to everything I need to be doing or should be doing.

But as much as I say that, I also know I am a little obsessed with getting things done that are on my list.  Part of me is annoyed because "my list" lately consists only of the routine, every day things that must get done--laundry, housecleaning, paying bills, etc.  I want to start making progress on some larger projects around the house, but there never seems to be enough time to do that.  I just need more time in my day.  There are times when I wish I didn't work so much (but I can't afford to quit my job) and there are times when I wish I could just take a couple months off to try to get ahead (but again not realistic).  I want to spend more time with my friends.  I want to do more fun things.  Just how do I make that happen?  I can't seem to get off this treadmill which has become my life.

I realize part of this is my own fault because I would consider myself a responsible person.  I put first the things I "should" do and that is not necessarily always what I might "want" to do.  And I know that this is a good quality because I want to be considered reliable and dependable and to be there for others.  As an adult, we have responsibilities and sometimes we need to just suck it up and deal.  And we never know if tomorrow will come and so being there for others who are counting on you is important and I guess as much as I may tire, I would never change that.

I just wish I had more time.  But the treadmill just keeps going, and I keep plodding along.  I'm just not making any forward progress...