It Happens Unexpectedly

I ran my first 5K in April 2012.  It was a goal I had set for myself.  A new challenge.  Something to try to accomplish before I turned 50.  A goal to help me exercise and be healthy.  I did respectable, finishing around 35 mins and Ed and Dan were there to cheer me on.

I ran my second 5K in October 2012.  This time it was to prove to myself the first 5K wasn't just a fluke and at the age of 50, I could still do it.   My goal was to run the entire course (no walking to catch my breath like I did on my first run).  I accomplished that goal and even bettered my time (around 32 mins).  And Ed and Dan were there to cheer me on and be there when I crossed the finish line.

I had signed up for another 5K in April 2013.  There was no new challenge other than this had become a good way to get in shape and work towards a goal.  Plus this was to support Hadley schools--so it was for a good cause.  I didn't run the 5K in April 2013, though, because that was when Ed was in the hospital.

So here I am a year later.  I've signed up for the 5K again in Hadley and it is this Sunday.  I've been running on my treadmill.  I had a pinched nerve that prevented me from running the past two weeks where I couldn't even walk fast.  But this week, I am back to running.  A bit slower, but at least I'm moving.

This morning it suddenly dawned on me that I will be alone on this run.  Ed won't be driving there, to cheer me on as I take off, or to cheer me on and congratulate me as I cross the finish line.  He was always there for me; always so supportive and encouraging.  And don't tell me he'll be there in spirit.  That is not the same thing.  So I will cross the finish line alone.  And once again, at unexpected times, these things suddenly dawn on me and the sadness and hurt and tears return.  More briefly than months earlier, but still there and still breaking my heart...