The Days are Cooler

The days are cooler.
The leaves are turning.
Memories of our time together.
Going to fairs, picking pumpkins.
I miss you terribly at this time of year.
Fall.
Our birthdays.
Time continuing to tick away.
I miss your companionship.
I miss knowing there is someone who is always there for me
To share with me
To care for me
To love me

What is the purpose of my life?
I never wondered that "before".
Instead I just lived it,
enjoyed it, loved it
Loved you.

As the leaves fall,
my strength falls
Like the bears, I want to go and hiberate
To shut out the world
Sleep gives me reprieve
Reprieve from what has become my so called life

Will I ever find joy again
Will I ever truly be happy again
I try each day to remember how "lucky" I am
And I do have goodness in my life

But I am alone
There is no one who truly loves me
There is no one who cares for me
There is no one to share with
There is no one who truly has my back

And as birthdays approach,
I'm reminded I'm growing older...
without you...
My fourth birthday without you
Without you making my day special
Without you making me feel special

I'm getting older
I'm getting tired
Tired of pretending
Tired of always being the "cheerful" one
To make others feel better

And damn those who don't appreciate what they have
And damn those who don't have "time" for me
And damn those who think everything is just fine
and expect me to learn to just suck it up and appreciate what I have

Easy for them...they have their husbands
They have their families
They have their happy homes
They have someone to go home to...

I never knew it would be so hard
I never knew I'd miss you so much
I want you back
I'm tired


It's fall,
the days are getting shorter
and I welcome the darkness