Happy (?) New Year

2015....Here we are.  Another year.  I don't like to give this day too much weight.  It's another day.  Like any other.  But like so many others, New Year's Day tends to be a day to look back and remember and also to look forward and make plans.

As I look back, I don't know where 2014 went to.  I believe my intent for this past year was to learn more about myself--as a single woman, living alone, without Ed.  Focus on what I like, I need, I want.  With an underlying objective to hold it all together.

Well, I guess I held it all together because I'm here, today, to say so.  But I'm not quite sure where the year went.  As I pull out my new calendar and note anniversaries and birthdays, I am once again adding more notes regarding the date that a loved one or friend passed.  There are more of these than the birth of new life to note.  I don't like that and I wonder if life is just more cruel than it was previously.  Or is it simply because I'm getting older and my friends and family are getting older.  Is this just life or does life just seem harder than it used to be?  I'm thinking maybe a combination of both.

And what are my hopes for 2015?  I'm not quite sure.  I quite sure one of my goals for 2014 was to get through life without a major meltdown every day.  The fog of 2013 had lifted and I was forced to feel everything more clearly.  That will continue in 2015.  I'd like to think I was more functional in 2014.  I feel like I somehow slogged through the days, weeks, and months.  And, yes, there were fewer meltdowns.

So what is in store for 2015?  I really have no idea.

• Maybe I'll finally clean out one of Ed's dresser drawers (although I think that's highly unlikely).  Maybe I'll try to de-clutter my stuff and Dan's stuff--that seems easier to do.
• I will continue to cherish and build on those friendships I have that are most important to me.  Weed out those that do not add support, laughter, and value to my life.  That's a hard one because I know I tend to spread myself too thin and/or feel "obligated".
• Continue to try to find the work/life balance.  A tricky one with my Mother still on the road to recovery.  And in the priority of life, I usually come last.
• Know that it's okay to say "no".  As my friend says, "no" is a complete sentence.
• Be grateful
• Be thankful
• Appreciate the little things in life
• Keep it simple...

And the last one is why there are no great ambitious resolutions here.  Keep it simple.  Spend time with friends and family who lift me up and appreciate their company and the laughter they add to my life.  Spend time by myself and appreciate the quiet and self awareness.  Let friends and loved ones know how much they mean to me because life is short.  Live it to the fullest.  Live it how you want.

Happy New Year....Here we go again...