Work is nuts. We've had several people retire over the past month and now I find myself doing four different jobs all at once. The good news is that the days definitely are full and busy. The down side is that there are lots of "problems" and it gets stressful. So the work week just disappears since by the time I get home, I have dinner, do dishes, and get ready for the next workday. This means Monday-Friday disappear way too quickly. I am doing a good job at finding that life/work balance even if it means I leave work at the end of the day with a pile on my desk and way too many emails in my inbox. I also work very hard at managing how I use my time on week nights. I have learned that if I'm out after work for more than 2-3 nights each week, I get very stressed. I have learned that I need to be home; need to have evenings where I can move at a slower pace and chip away at some of the things on my to do list so it is not all saved for the weekends. I'm learning...
I have enjoyed the summer in terms of enjoying the yard. I've learning about perennials and how I need to be a bit more ruthless in controlling where and what grows. My garden is growing and I've enjoyed cucumbers and zucchini and the tomatoes are just coming in. I'm excited because I'm growing acorn squash this year which I love--can't wait for that! I've put up a second hummingbird feeder and it's a weekly event to make more nectar for them. They definitely prefer my sugar/water mix than that red stuff from the store! I think the chipmunk is enjoying it as well since some days we go through it pretty quickly.
I'm learning to grill which is impressive both because I have a general hesitation about gas grills (since we had the gas grill fire many years ago) and I know little about grilling. But I'm learning--sometimes things get charbroiled, but sometimes they also turn out great.
I've found a quiet pleasure in sitting on the deck, having dinner (yes, alone), watching the birds, seeing the groundhog or the bunnies, and just enjoying the sunny, fresh air and the gardens and the yard. When my mind goes there and the realization sets in, I do hate the fact that I'm setting a place for one at the table and I hate that I'm alone and I miss Ed and I also get pissed that he is not here with me. And I feel like I'm playing a pretend game--pretend I can function on my own, pretend that I'm finding comfort in simple, quiet moments. But then I realize I can't pretend because this is my life. And then all the overwhelming questions creep up about what is my life, who am I, and is this how I want and am going to life the rest of my life?
But then I go back to enjoying the hummingbird who just arrived at the feeder, because that is simple and the rest is too overwhelming. And I remind myself "one day at a time", one moment of pleasure at a time. Keep it simple.
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| One of the hummingbirds at the feeder. |
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| My Garden |
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| Will have an abundance of tomatoes once these ripen. |
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| One of the acorn squash. |
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| Zucchini! |
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