Summing Up Your Life in 15 Mins

Last night was my Support Group and I was scheduled to "introduce" Ed to the group.  It is what we're all doing.  We all take a turn to introduce our loved one to the group.  Although we all were a bit apprehensive about it, it has been really nice to learn about the person each of us has lost.  I pulled together my notes this past weekend in terms of what I wanted to share about Ed.  How do you sum up someone's live and essence in 10-15 mins?

What I realized is that there was so much I wanted to say about Ed.  He took such good care of me and Dan--both physically and emotionally.  In some sense, he spoiled both of us, making sure both of us had what he didn't have growing up--both in terms of a loving home and affection and also buying us whatever we desired whether it was a simple bag of chocolates or a new computer or car.  Anyone who knows us, knows we were extravagant so it wasn't the dollar amount, but the gesture and thought.  I know for me, he made all my dreams come true.  There was not a single thing I felt I really needed that I didn't have.

But Ed also had so many talents and interests.  He took care of the home and was the one to do any type of decorating whether it was painting or wallpapering or even how to arrange a room.  He had strong opinions about this, but also had a talent and eye for what he liked (and thankfully I liked what he liked!).  He took care of the yard and not just mowing, but planting flowers and creating flower beds--he just had a knack for that.  And then he took care of all home repairs or home improvement projects whether it was building a deck, replacing sliders, or basic plumbing or electrical.  He didn't believe in hiring someone for something he felt he could do himself.  Of course, he was also a procrastinator and a perfectionist so once he finally did get around to a project, it usually took him longer than expected and then frequently there was one final detail to finish that would not get done.

But then he also loved cooking and attracting birds and shopping, especially buying clothes for me and his nieces.  And he liked sports--both watching and participating.  Whether it was watching NFL every Sunday or playing golf every Wed or coaching when Dan was younger.

What I realize as I try to summarize this life is that he was multifaceted and had so many talents and interests that I took for granted.  I'm sure I spent more time reminding him of all the things he wasn't doing instead of recognizing all the things he was doing.  Unfortunately, now that he is gone, I more clearly appreciate all he did in so many ways.

I know we both contributed to our marriage, our family, our home and we found a balance that worked for us and I do recognize that I took care of certain things as well in this partnership.  But I definitely pale in comparison.

I did not "present" to the Group last night.  The two people who went before me ended up taking more than the 15 mins...which has now become a pattern.  So two of us have been deferred to next week.  The good news is that now I know it's okay if I go over the 15 mins because I find I have a lot to say about Ed!  And how nice that he lived a full life and that I need this extra time to tell his story.  And I hope when he passed, when his life passed before his eyes, he recognized this as well and smiled...