Moments with Friends

I'm back home again after spending a very nice day with a friend and his family. I so enjoy these times with others, but they are typically followed by the quiet and downside of then being alone. I'm trying not to let the grips of sadness get a hold of me today. I am truly trying to appreciate and enjoy the moments with friends for what they are...moments of enjoyment, creating memories to look back on with happiness and to look forward to future ones.

I went to the "beach" yesterday...rather, I stood on the edge of the ocean. It is so calming as I breathed in the salt air and listened to the waves crashing on the rocks. It brings me such peace and settles my soul. I was able to share this time with my friend which made it even more special because we were able to banter, about nothing, and just walk along the shore and look for crabs or shells or pretty stones. It reminded me of when Ed and I would do this and instead of the usual sadness when I do this alone, I was content. Because these moments, as peaceful as they can be, remind me how alone I am without the person who was supposed to be my partner for life. So I am grateful to my friend for going with me....obviously, a true friend.

I also met family and friends yesterday and they all greeted me with hugs and smiles. Such loving people. I would like to think they also found the same in me...a kind, warm, and loving person. I can be a bit of an introvert, especially around people I don't know well. I hope I made them smile as much as they made me smile. I would like to think the hugs as we said goodbye are my answer. All-in-all, it was a very nice day.

So today, I will cling to those memories and attempt to do so with warmth in my heart instead of allowing the thoughts of what is missing creeping in instead and grabbing hold. Today I will work in the yard and take my time to appreciate the beauty around me. Instead of missing the warmth, laughter, and company of others, I will attempt to appreciate how lucky I am to be able to spend time surrounded by others one day and have time to myself the next and recognize that this can be a good thing.

Yes, life has changed...  There are things and a future I will never be able to share with Ed. And I realize, ever so clearly, that if it wasn't for Ed's passing, yesterday would not have happened. I would not know this particular friend, or any of the other close friends I've made these past few years. At some level, that makes me sad. Which I find interesting...

My happy place...

Went on a day trip to Salem this past week with my mother and my sister Cathy. Another "good" day!!

I started my day yesterday morning with seeing this...  I was happy to see they are still around!

A Beautiful Morning

It's such a beautiful morning.

The air is crisp and cool. There's a slight breeze and the sun is shining through a clear, blue sky.

I slept well last night and awoke to the sound of birds and the tickling sound of my windchimes. The baby foxes appear to be gone, but I did see the father cross the yard yesterday morning.

There is some type of sparrow that has nested above the bay window in the dining room and the Robin is in the bush outside the kitchen window.  And the hummingbirds have returned as well.

It's the start of a good day.

I've enjoyed a quiet cup of coffee before I head outside to work in the yard.

I'm looking forward to doing the yardwork.  With the rain and heat wave earlier this week, the lawn desperately needs to be mowed. So I'll be heading out soon to do that AND the hand trimming because I will gaze upon the end result and be pleased.

I will put out solar lights and lawn ornaments and this will make me happy.  I will prep the garden and flower beds in anticipation of planting those next weekend.

It's the start of what will be a good day.

Capturing the moment since you never know how long it will last...

Bright clear blue sky...

 

The Rhododendrons are coming back nicely after been hit hard two winters ago.

 

Lily of the Valleys....One of my favorite flowers and I love the smell!

Kits!

Today I've decided to post about some "good" things for a change! Don't get your hopes up...it's nothing too exciting. But since I tend to post when I'm feeling down, I did want to take a moment and share the recent highlights of my day which is watching a family of Red Foxes in my backyard!

The father I've seen in the neighborhood for the past couple months. But on April 17th, I noticed the "kits" (baby foxes) running around the backyard with their mother. What a delight to see! Their den is in the woods just behind the house and I can watch them while standing on the back deck. So each day, I look to see if they are out playing. If I'm lucky, they'll be up in the yard running around. I know they will soon be moving on, so I'm enjoying them while they're here.

One day while standing in the backyard watching them, three cardinals flew by my head and landed in a nearby tree--two males and one female. I wasn't able to capture a good picture, but I continue to see them every few days.

And yesterday I noticed the Robin is once again nesting in the bush outside the kitchen window. The bush has filled in since it was damaged a couple winters ago, so it's hard to see the nest. I remember the year that Ed trimmed branches so we could watch them from the kitchen window. I'll have to see if I can do that again.

Small, simple pleasures and moments to make me smile. My low moments still come...these are times when I feel the aloneness and truly struggle with trying to figure out the purpose of my life. "Joy" continues to allude me and it scares me that I may never find it again. But I'm working hard to at least spend time with family and friends and enjoy simple times together.

Last weekend, Dan and I and some friends went hiking on Mt. Tom. We ended up getting rained on which cut our hike short, but it gave us a story to tell!  We'll need to attempt it again because we didn't make it all the way to the top.  I've also gotten together with some other close "wid" girlfriends who I wish lived closer and I've gotten together with some friends from church who treat me so kindly and always make me laugh.

So I try to focus on these "good" moments. Some days are just harder than others...  After these "good" times spent with others, I find myself back home again, alone and the darkness and loneliness tend to set in. But today has started as a good day. Maybe because a friend sent me a text to start my day and letting me know someone is thinking of me. I appreciate that because that is what I miss the most especially since I feel I'm always the one initiating and organizing get togethers with friends. So when someone else makes the effort and/or thinks of me, I appreciate it.

Anyhow, below are some pics and videos. These make me smile...and I hope they do the same for you as well! I'll try to do better at keeping you all posted on my baby foxes (who are growing up so fast!)!

Two of the four "kits" (what baby foxes are called)

From our Mt. Tom hike before the rain came.

After a long trek up a steep hill...

 

Signs of spring...the primrose in my side garden

Love the smell of lilacs

 Below is a "puppy" my mother gave me on April 21st (day before Ed's sadiversary). I had seen these years ago in the gift shop at Cooley Dickinson hospital and thought they were so cute. So now I have a "puppy". Good news is that he's low maintenance, doesn't shed, doesn't eat too much, no vet bill. Bad news is that I now talk to a fake dog!!